Friday 29 October 2010

The song remains the same . . .

I'm always interested in asking people "What was the first single you ever bought?" . . . The answers I've received in the past vary from the revelatory to the downright embarrassing! And then I thought: shouldn't it be mandatory that, at funeral services, the music should include the deceased's first single? This could prove reasonably appropriate under the circumstances . . . I've a friend in Bath whose first single was 'Touch Me' by Page Three 'stunna', Samantha Fox . . . well OK, but an open coffin would be an idea here . . . (no offence, Frank!).
   Consider this: someone in their teens in at the end of the present decade dies in the future, and cremation has been decided upon - and it just so happens that the song in question is 'Fire' by Kasabian . . .
isn't it great when a plan comes together??

Wednesday 20 October 2010

Dinner Parties

I'm sure many of us have been asked the following question: "If you could invite six people, living or dead, to a dinner party, who would you choose?" (The most obvious smart-arsed answer would be 'living' - well, dead people tend to lack certain social skills . . .) . . . however, one of my guests would be Lee Harvey Oswald, for the sole reason that I'd be able to ask him the question "So, do you remember what you were doing on the day President Kennedy was shot . . .?" . . . I just think this might clear up a few issues, that's all . . .

Wednesday 13 October 2010

With Christmas in mind . . .

Having worked during the 1980s for a Swindon company dealing with advertising agencies, I can appreciate the purpose of their trade, to coin a phrase, "the power of advertising" . . . so, here we are, in the middle of October and the commercial TV stations have inevitably started their insidious broadcasts of various retailers' seasonal adverts . . . but there are none more annoying than the major furniture retailers (who shall remain nameless - although that remains pretty obvious) . . .
   "Order Now In Time For Xmas!" - for f**k's sake, WHY? So, you've got your lovely new sofa ensconced in your lounge on Christmas morning - and one of the kids smears most of the contents of a selection box over it, because they're so excited that they can't shit! But it's begrudgingly cleaned up, in the spirit of the season . . . come Boxing Day, among your visitors is the relative of a friend who spills a drink . . . and so on, and so on: in the words of that Greg Lake song "The Christmas we get we deserve" - well, as inanimate as the sofa may be (unless it's on castors . . .), it's blameless . . . and the people who fall for this do get what they deserve . . . and, furthermore, why do WH Smith insist on still using Ruby Wax for voiceovers . . .?

Wednesday 6 October 2010

Recycle often!

You'd think by now we'd have come to terms after years of recycling (kudos to the Germans on this one, they led the way some years ago - a far more people-friendly form of participating in the fate of the planet than instigating two World Wars!) that the planet is effectively screwed anyway . . .
   However, I do my bit like everyone else . . . every other Tuesday evening, the recycling bin gets religiously put out on to the pavement, waiting to be emptied in accordance with the council's policies the following morning. . .
   When this evening I went to bring the (empty?) bins in, one solitary wine bottle had not been collected: the screw-top had inadvertently been left on . . . silly of me, very remiss, I admit: but I surely can't be any more of a fuckwit than the person at the council who decides that such a bottle cannot be collected for recycling . . . it's enough to make me want to pay my council tax late (which I do
anyway)!